I have a confession to make. Writing a book is exhausting. Getting out and speaking about it is even more exhausting…for an introvert like me. And then there is my personal high-achiever inner critic who says unless I get out and speak about the book to thousands of people, I have somehow failed. I fondly call this inner critic “Flog Me Now”. Her personal motto is “the flogging will continue until morale improves”. It never really does when she’s around but don’t tell her I said that!
She is just one of a cast of many colorful characters in my head that I introduce you to in my book Wired for Authenticity. We all have different aspects of ourselves, fear-based saboteur thoughts, that keep us stuck in inauthenticity. As I contemplate getting out and speaking about this message, it struck me that I might try practicing what I preach. To be more authentic in my speaking, I wanted to connect with what my inspiration is about this topic rather than my fear of being a lousy under-achiever!
They say that you teach what you need to learn. Writing Wired for Authenticity has made me present to all that challenges my authenticity. In the book I describe authenticity as a moment by moment choice to act from our most inspired and alive selves. Many of these challenges are what my executive coaching clients share with me in their most vulnerable moments. What I realize is that when I am inauthentic it is an act of betraying myself. Here are three ways I do that:
1) Hustling for self-worth – My high achiever saboteur “Flog Me Now” keeps me in hustle-mode compulsively looking for the next achievement rush. Instead of believing in my self-worth, I try hard to prove myself. When I am in hustle-mode there is always an agenda I’m anxious to achieve and it prevents me from connecting authentically with people. I realize that it’s very hard to connect with and influence people when we are focused on proving ourselves. We are truly able to be authentic when we belong completely to ourselves and don’t make our self-worth contingent on anything. This is the practice of “Giving Yourself An A”, one of the seven practices of authenticity I talk about in the book.
2) Not speaking what is true for me – I often struggle with wanting to be “liked”. I think it’s a gene that many women inherit (some men too!). I err on the side of being politically correct, not touching controversial issues. I see how this undermines my ability to lead effectively because people want to know where leaders stand on issues. From the research in writing the book, I know now that our body experiences stress when we don’t speak what is true for us. I am practicing courage (what I call “Facing the Dragon” – another of the seven practices of authenticity) when I share my truth. As leaders it is important that we get diverse perspectives in the room before we make decisions and that we speak out what is true for us as it may be what many are thinking but unable to say.
3) Letting fear of failure stop me from pursuing my dream – Writing the book has been a practice of “Facing the Dragon” for me. I started the book and stopped – several times. I had nightmares about being 80 years old watching my cat happily nap on boxes with hundreds of copies of the book no one wanted to buy. Self-mastery is a value that is very important to me and writing the book is a way for me to practice placing my sense of purpose and values above my fears.
So reflect a moment with me. What do you make your self-worth contingent on? How do you stop yourself from your full expression? When do you let fear of failure stop you from your dream?
And if any of this resonates for you, please connect with me. My intention is to find authenticity advocates – a tribe of people who will join me in creating a movement, a dialogue, a daily practice for greater authenticity in our workplaces and our lives. Why? Because there is a way in which we come alive, are inspired, and in turn inspire others when we can be authentic. Will you join us?
Here is a link to learn more about the book. To join the community of like-minded people who want to practice authenticity, sign up for our weekly authenticity practice group here. You will receive one tool a week along with a short blog to put authenticity to work for you.
