Greetings friends!
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to lose 20 lbs. It doesn’t really matter what weight I actually am or whether I’m a size 8 or 14. There is a general discontent with my body, a nonacceptance of me as I am right now.
When that nagging voice is present, it’s painful. I have feelings of shame (as I pass the mirror), guilt (I can’t believe I ate that large chocolate chip cookie), resignation (I can ever seem to lose weight), self-criticism (what’s wrong with you? Can’t you get some self-discipline?). Ouch!
When these feelings arise, instead of accepting the pain, I resist it by (you guessed it!) eating a soft and chewy chocolate chip cookie (or three). And the cycle continues.
It’s a shared human experience that we grow up feeling insufficient. Whether it’s ideas portrayed in the media, seeing others’ perfect lives on Facebook, or beliefs from childhood, we have all experienced feeling like something is missing. We avoid the pain of not feeling (smart, rich, attractive, worthy of love, fill-in-your-own-blank here) enough by eating, alcohol, other addictions. We try to please or prove ourselves to others, striving for validation of our okay-ness.
But there is a different way that I’m learning about from a beautiful book called “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach. It teaches us about fully accepting whatever is present (in my case the pain of self-criticism, the voice of the inner critic, and the part of me that feels unworthy and overweight). When I’m able to notice what’s happening and just be with it rather than resist it, something shifts within me. For me, the emotional eating stops when the voice of the inner critic is muted.
This week’s mindful practice is to notice the part of yourself you resist and see if you can befriend it. Just for this week as an experiment, try befriending that part of yourself that you judge. Being mindful, you will notice the sting of a “not enough” thought, or your favorite strategy to avoid the pain of this sting. Get curious about the part of you that feels not enough. Name that part of yourself. Imagine it as a child that needs nurturing. You might say “I see you. I honor you. You are safe.” Give yourself a warm hug like you would a friend or child who is hurt.
You can try the “Calm The Mind” practice here when you notice self-criticism. Connecting with our bodies and what’s right with us helps us to create neural pathways to help us reconnect with our inner caring friend. You can even name this friend or find an image that reminds you of this self-compassionate, nurtured feeling. Research suggests this state of being activates the parasympathetic nervous system and opens us up to learning, hope, and change.
If this experiment doesn’t work for you, you can go back to your chocolate chip cookies. No questions asked!
Wishing you a mindful week!
P.S. One-Minute Mindfulness are short reads that give you a practice a week so you can experience being mindful in the activities you’re already doing. If you’d like to learn and create mindfulness habits with teammates and friends, please share this link to sign up.
P.P.S. I would love for you to share your experience or questions from this practice in the comments below.
