If you’re feeling exhausted and stressed out from the demands of a 24/7 job, you’re not alone. This seems to have become “the new normal”. We are so often exhausted from the constant action, we have no time to step back, prioritize what’s really important to us, to the business, to our people. I see this in many of my executive coaching clients. Finding ways to energize ourselves as leaders is a critical skill set for the 21st century. One aspect of energizing ourselves is figuring out what makes us happy. But who has the time to do that?
Matt Killingsworth does. He’s a former Harvard happiness researcher who got 650,000 data points from 15,000 people across 80 countries to find out what makes people happy. Here’s what he discovered.
Being present (in the moment) makes us happier. In his TEDx talk Matt Killingsworth shares data showing how we are substantially happier when we are completely absorbed in what we are doing (being present) vs. when we experience “mind-wandering” (i.e. thinking about something other than what we are doing). If one of the keys to happiness is being present, here’s the problem. We’re only present about 50% of the time. Why is that and how do we get more present?
To answer that question, I decided to try an experiment. I decided to do something I tend to avoid at all costs – cleaning the toilet. Here’s what I discovered. Cleaning the toilet was actually a pretty satisfying task until I had thoughts pop into my mind: “I really shouldn’t be doing this”, “I wonder if the cleaning lady would do a better job” or “I need to hurry up so I can get to more fun stuff”. The main reason we are not present is that we typically have a “judgment” we attach to the situation we’re in. There’s a story or interpretation either about the situation, ourselves, or the person we are interacting with. The usual triggers of this story are dissatisfaction, anxiety, fear which take our focus away from what is happening in the present. Or our mind wanders to think about something else. Matt’s research shows that even when we’re thinking positive or neutral thoughts, we are less happy than if we are simply just focused on the task. Here are some practices to try, to be more present.
Five Ways To Be More Present
1) Set an intention to be present – Our intentions drive our focus. I have a goal to take a deep breath five times a day and ask myself: “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” I keep it light-hearted, otherwise I’m apt to beat myself up for not being present, which sort of defeats the purpose. I usually have something cooking in my head. Being present is a moment by moment choice. With every breath we get a “get out of jail free” pass.
2) Track your presence – For those of us who are avid goal setters, you can sign up for Matt Killingsworth’s “Track Your Happiness” tracker if you have an iphone and get a personalized report.
3) Start a “mindfulness” practice – Mindfulness practice is simply training our minds for greater focus on the present moment. Our goal is for us to run our minds rather than our minds to run us. Read about some of the amazing benefits of mindfulness practice and tools below.
4) Practice body awareness – Our thoughts drive emotions we can feel in our bodies. If we are doing yoga, we are especially attuned to the wisdom of our bodies. It takes our bodies 90 seconds to process an emotion according to Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscience researcher. To release the emotion, we can use our “get out of jail free” pass. Here’s the problem: Our judgments create “stories” related to the emotion. These “stories” can stick with us for a lifetime and don’t always serve us.
5) Notice the “story patterns” and release them – Most of us have patterns in the judgments we have (e.g. “cleaning toilets is not fun” or “Bosses are not to be trusted”). These patterns affect how we operate as leaders. Being present actually helps us to improve our emotional intelligence and personal power as we notice the “stories” we have, but don’t let them drive our behavior.
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes: “When I was 5 years old my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy”. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life” – John Lennon.
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Additional Resources:
Matt Killingsworth TEDx talk
